I’ve been watching South Park since I was six years old (blame my brother who is 8 years older). I’ve literally grown-up watching it my whole life, and have seen every episode multiple times. Today, I attempt the impossible. I take 257 episodes and choose the 10 very best. Without further ado, the top 10 greatest South Park episodes of all time.
10. The Wacky Molestation Adventure (S:4 Ep:16)
Kyle wants to go to a concert but his parents tell him no unless he brings democracy to Cuba. So what does Kyle do? He brings democracy to Cuba! After that, they still tell him no. Kyle is furious and tells his friends about the bad news. Cartman comes up with another one of his famous schemes to get rid of his parents, by calling the police and telling them “my parents melestered me”. All hell breaks loose whenever every kid in town does the same. Then a couple making their way through South Park needs directions to another nearby town, soon they realized the town isn’t what it used to be. They take their car to Butters the mechanic (who destroys it). I love that two characters we had never seen were the main character in this episode. They do a bunch of favors for Cartman, Stan, and Kyle, it’s such back-and-forth randomness, but it’s intriguing the whole way, and even a bit creepy. The ending pay off is when the couple realizes they worship “The Provider” (statue of John Elway) and tell them their parents only do that kind of stuff because they care about you. They are reunited with their parents! …Well except for Kenny and his parents, of course. R.I.P. Kenny. This episode is a personal favorite of mine because I had watched it so many times on an old VHS tape that it was on. It had to make my list.
9. Butters Bottom Bitch (S:13 Ep:9)
After Butters discovers a girl at his school is giving out kisses for money, he thinks up a ‘unique business’ so he can make money. But it’s not a unique business, Butters becomes a pimp. He then learns all the tricks there is from all the other Pimps in the area, and I’ll never grow tired of hearing him curse or say “Do you know what I am saying?”. After creating a successful “business”, the policeman in town are onto them. The most hilarious bits of the episode is when the lead detective has sex with strangers for money and then takes them to jail afterwards, yes afterwards. Both stories wind up meeting at the end for a nice payoff. The detective is in love with a pimp, and they live happily ever after. Well, until he takes the pimp to jail of course.
8. Cartman Sucks (S:11 Ep:2)
Cartman gets a silly idea that if he takes a picture of Butter’s penis in his mouth, that it will make Butters gay. Obviously, he should have done his research. He shows his friends the photo and (of course) they say he’s gay. After that he decides to get rid of the picture. However, he then realizes that someone had taken the photo. Kyle, of course! Or so he thought. It’s then a hilarious attempt to get the photo back from Kyle the rest of the episode, all leading up to the big reveal. Cartman gives up and then makes a slideshow for his school presentation, including his penis sucking photo. Seconds after he shows the entire classroom the photo with Butter’s penis in his mouth, his mom calls the school and tells him she found the photo behind his desk. Way to go Cartman. The subplot of the episode was also really entertaining. Butter’s dad caught Cartman putting his penis inside Butter’s mouth (while he was blindfolded) and took him off to straight camp to “Pray the Gay Away”.
7. Casa Bonita (S:7 Ep:11)
It’s Kyle’s birthday and he tells his friends he gets to take three of them to his birthday party at Casa Bonita, Cartman immediately thinks he’s invited, then he gets smacked with reality when Kyle tells him he’s taking Butters and not him. Cartman won’t have it. He then establishes another one of his ‘brilliant’ plans to kidnap Butters until Kyle’s birthday party. Things don’t go as he expected when Kyle postpones the birthday party so they can search for butters whom has been missing. Cartman tells butters the world has come to an end and he’s the only thing keeping him safe, of course butters believes him, and does anything he tells him to. It’s quite a hilarious situation, Cartman has to keep making up incredible lies to keep Butters locked inside of a storm cellar. When Cartman finally makes it to the birthday party butters is found in a dump and taken home. Cartman’s plan is a failure at the very last second, but that doesn’t stop him. He jolts through Casa Bonita in a matter of seconds just so he can experience his favorite restaurant. He’s going to jail, but he says it was totally worth it.
6. Ginger Kids (S:9 Ep:11)
Cartman treated ‘gingers’ at his school terribly. So Stan and Kyle decide they want to give him some bad karma. They sneak into his room at night and turn him into a ginger. When Cartman wakes up in the morning he completely flips out when he sees he has “Gingevitus”, and now the tables would turn. After Cartman is treated like an outcast for being a ginger, and he wants the world to suffer. Cartman then rallies all of the gingers together and starts a cult to kill anyone that doesn’t have red hair and freckles. Leading up to the death of Stan and Kyle, minutes before they would suffer, they whisper to Cartman he is not a ginger and that it’s just makeup. Cartman has to pull a one-eighty and convince the ginger kids in song that it doesn’t matter what color you are, “Black or white, brown or red, you shouldn’t kill each other because that is lame”. Overall, a very memorable episode. It also spawned a worldwide phenomenon that is still talked about today, the ‘fact’ that people with red hair and freckles have no souls.
5. La Petit Tourette (S:11 Ep:8)
Cartman comes across a boy in a toy store with Tourettes. After seeing that everyone excepts the boy even though he’s shouting out slurs and curse-words, Cartman decides he wants Tourettes. He then pretends like he “caught” Tourettes so he can scream any curse words at anyone he wants. After he (somehow) successfully tricks everyone into believing he has Tourette’s, things get insanely funny. Yelling literally anything he wants in school, like “Mexican stinky balls!” and “donkey boner! It’s the most random and completely chaotic slurs, and it’s fantastic. Suddenly he realizes he can’t control what he says anymore, the highlight of the episode is when he yells “me and my cousin touched wieners”. I could not leave this episode off of the top 10 list if I tried, “sh*tballs!”.
4. Medicinal Fried Chicken (S:14 Ep:3)
This episode has two major plots. One where Randy and his buddies try to get cancer so they can buy marijuana from the newly opened medicinal marijuana store. And the other where Cartman takes a Scarface-like role in charge of an undercover KFC distributing business, both are which very amusing. Things get out of hand when Randy and his friend’s balls get so big they can bounce on them to travel. It is insanely comical. Cartman just ends up eating all of the KFC so Kernel sets out to get revenge on him. It’s one of the stupidest episodes, yet undeniably one of the best.
3. Scott Tenorman Must Die (S:5 Ep:4)
Cartman’s excited because he got his first pub, little does he know it isn’t something you buy from a seventh grader. After Kyle and Stan tell him how much of an idiot he is, Cartman makes it his new life goal to take Scott Tenorman down. This episode has a boatload of laughable moments, like when Cartman tries training a horse to bite off Scott’s penis, or Cartman begging at Scotts feet to give him his money back, but nothing could prepare you for the finale. This happens to be one of the few episodes that one of Cartman’s plans actually pans out, when he tricks Scott Tenorman into eating a bowl of spaghetti… With his parents a part of the ingredients. It’s sick, disgusting, and just wrong, yet completely hilarious. Touché Cartman.
2. Make Love, Not Warcraft (S:10 Ep:8)
This episode is surely one of the most popular South Park episodes to date. South Park Studios teamed up with video game developer Blizzard to create an episode that takes place (largely) inside Blizzard’s MMORPG, World of Warcraft, and it is hysterical. After the boy’s and other player’s characters get killed by someone (repeatedly) in areas where you’re not supposed to fight, they take action in hopes to take down this “tough bad ass.” After killing level two boars in the forest for weeks, and gaining a ton of weight, the boys finally decide to try and take him down. A particular favorite scene of mine is when Cartman calls his mom downstairs so she can put a waste bucket under him, for him to fire his explosive crap into. When nearly failing to kill the “man with no life”, Stan’s dad comes to the rescue with the “sword of a thousand truths”, given to him by two of Blizzard’s staff. The land is saved and the boys are heroes, and now, they can finally play the game. This episode is hilarious, especially if your savvy of World of Warcraft or any MMORPGs.
1. The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers (S:6 Ep:13)
This episode is a true testament that shows just how incredible Trey and Matt are at what they do. By the title I’m sure you could’ve guess that this episode takes a page from The Lord of the Rings, to which a porno is in place of “the ring”. The boys set off on a quest to return a porno to the video store. Funny thing is, they don’t know it’s Back Door Sluts 9, they think is The Lord of the Rings. Seventh-grade boys find out they have it and are hunting them down so watch it for themselves. One of the funniest bits in this episode is the fact that every older male character knows what the porno is and that it’s “the hottest porno ever made”, while all of their wives have no clue, and shame them for knowing. Butters is without a doubt the highlight of the episodes though. He watched some of the video and it became his “precious”. Jimmy also stands out with his strong stuttering problem, “You shall not pa-… You shall not pu-” It’s laugh out loud from beginning to end, and also foreshadowed The Stick of Truth video game released just last year.
There you have it, my top 10 list of South Park episodes. Do you agree with my choices? What episodes would you have on your list? Leave all of your thoughts in the comments below!